being 20-something*

mood: determined music: i will survive by gloria gaynor

they call it the "quarter-life crisis."
it is when you stop going along withthe crowd and start realizing that
there are a lot of things about yourself that
you didn't know and may not like.you start feeling insecure and wonder
where you will be in a year or two, but
then get scared because you barely know
where you are now.

you start realizing that people are selfish
and that, maybe, those friends that you thought
you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest
people you have ever met and the people you have
lost touch with are some of the most important ones.
what you do not realize is that they are realizing
that too and are not really cold or catty or mean
or insincere, but that they are as confused as you.

you look at your job. it is not even close to what
you thought you would be doing or maybe you are
looking for one and realizing that you are going to
have to start at the bottom and are scared.

you miss the comforts of college, of groups, of
socializing with the same people on a constant basis.
but then you realize that maybe they weren't so
great after all. you are beginning to understand
yourself and what you want and do not want.

your opinions have gotten stronger. you see what
others are doing and find yourself judging a bit
more than usual because suddenly you realize that
you have certain boundaries in your life and add
things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not.

you are insecure and then secure. you laugh and
cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel
alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with
dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting
further and further away and there is nothing to do
but stay where you are or move forward.

you get your heart broken and wonder how someone
you loved could do such damage to you or you lay
in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent
enough to get to know better. You love someone but
maybe love someone else too and cannot figure out
why you are doing this because you are not a bad person.

you go through the same emotions and questions
over and over and talk with your friends about the
same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision.

you worry about loans and money and the future and
making a life for yourself and while winning the race
would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!

what you may not realize is that everyone reading
this relates to it. We are in our best of times and
our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to
figure this whole thing out.

*author anonymous